“Second wife! The words reverberated through my brain. Why? Am I not
good enough? Never! I will never accept a second wife! If you want a
second wife you can go out and get one as long as you know that I will
not be here when you come back! Those were my words to my husband a few
years ago when he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a
second time. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. She is having
a hard time, he said, she don’t know where the next meal is coming from
or how to provide adequately for her children. “Where is their father?”
I asked, “Can’t he take care of his own kids? Why do you a strange man
have to carry another man’s burden? Surely there are other ways that you
can help her out financially without having to MARRY her!
I
could not imagine myself in a plural marriage. Sharing my husband with
another woman. Sharing his love, his smiles, his jokes with a woman
other than myself. I could not fathom him holding her close and
whispering loving words in her ears. It was unacceptable. An outrage.
After all I have been to him. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. I
raised 3 of his beautiful children. How can he insult me by marrying
another woman as if I am not good enough? Not pretty enough. Not young
enough or just plain not ENOUGH! NO! I could not accept that and I
vehemently made my stance clear to him. If she walks in, I walk out!
Plain and simple. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our
children for another woman, then he must go ahead. I will not stand for
it!
It all seems so many years ago now. When I thought that life
would last forever and that nothing will ever change. But it did….My
husband did not get married to a second wife. After all my warnings and
threats of leaving he abandoned the idea. I don’t know what happened to
the women and children. My guess is that they moved on to another town.
He
never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy with that. I
managed to hang on to my husband but I didn’t know that our time was
running out. His last words to me were that he had a headache and is
going to lie down till Esha. He never read Esha namaaz that night,
because he never woke up. I was devastated by his sudden death. The man
whom I have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a second. I
mourned him for a long, long time. Neglecting my children and the
business. Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by
one. First the car then the shop, then the house. We moved in with my
brother and his family. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my
sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. I needed to get out,
to work and find a place of our own instead of living off the leftovers
of others. But I had no skill. When my husband was alive we lived
comfortably. I had no need to go out and work or equip myself with a
skill. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young
anymore. I missed him every day with every beat of my heart. How could
one’s condition change so drastically? One day my brother told me that
someone he knew is looking for a wife. He was a good person, good akhlaq
and very pious. Perfect for me, but he wants me to be his second wife.
It’s
the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to
me. But how different the circumstances. He came to my brother’s house
to see me. There was an immediate connection between us. I liked him and
I liked everything about him. He told me that his first wife knows that
he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously not supportive
of the idea and that he doesn’t know what her reaction will be when he
tells her that he had found someone. His answer he said, will be
dependent on her acceptance of Polygamy. I started praying Istikhara
that night. I so desperately wanted it to work out. I remembered so many
years ago when the life of another woman depended on my decision and
what my decision was. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not
give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish
me this time around.
I repented, not once in my life did I think
my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. I only
protected what was mine. Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized
how wrong I was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a husband. I
prayed that she will accept me. He phoned me a few days later telling me
that his wife is having a hard time accepting it but that she is
willing to meet me. I was nervous the day of the meeting. I prayed a lot
the day before and asked Allah to help me. When I met her, she was a
person, a woman like me. A woman who loves her husband and fears losing
him. She took my hand and with tears in her eyes said: “This is very
hard for me, but I hope that we can be sisters” her words broke my
heart. All I needed in these dark days was a hand reaching out to me and
embracing me, giving me hope and the will to carry on. His wife was to
me, the woman that I could not be and I will be forever grateful for
that. I thought that no one could love her husband the way I loved mine,
but she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.
You never know a person’s situation until you are in it.
Judge
by what is right according to Qu’ran and you will see how Allah
subhanahu wa ta’ala will sent double fold of blessings your way.”
